What Can Never Be
by Vengeful
Summary: Try as she might, she can never fill the shoes of the one that came before her. [Ziva point of view] TATE


**A/N: Hello! This piece of work just kind of struck me today as I was studying for exams (evil evil evil!) and I had to write it down. Originally, it portrayed Ziva as a bad slutty whore (which I think she is) but it eventually turned into this. Regardless, it is still Tate. It is what I like to call a 'DKTFF'. Those of you over at the yahoo group might recoginize the 'DKTS' (dead Kate Tate song). This stands for 'Dead Kate Tate Fanfiction'.**

**Anyways, I hope you enjoy. I really had a lot of fun writing this. Remember too review!**

**Emily**

**Disclaimer:** If I owned, Kate would be alive. ALIVE I SAY!

**Please note that this is through Ziva's point of view, although it is Tate.**

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Monday, December 12, 2005

She remembers when she first came here. She remembers the open hostility that they all felt, the feeling on inadequacy they heaped upon her. They all made it clear that she could never take the former agents place. All but him. He was easy going from the start, flirtatious and cute. As time passed, that flirtatious nature became something more, or so she thought.

Now she is not so sure.

She has seen the looks of disappointment her colleagues shoot at her, for she is not blind. She has seen the looks of longing that he often gets, especially when she wears her hair up and tucked under a cap. She knows the resemblance between them is uncanny at times, and she has to wonder if that is the only reason he is attracted to her.

January 5, 2006

They became a couple. They have been together for less than a month. She uses the term couple loosely, as she cannot be sure if two people are really a couple if one of their hearts just isn't in it.

But perhaps she is just being silly. Perhaps the glimpses of pure bliss that sometimes appear on his face are for her, not for a memory of the one who came before, or a picture of her. Perhaps he really does like her for her, not because when she turns around, she almost resembles the other one.

February 3, 2006

When they first started dating, she brought up rule number twelve. She didn't really know what it was when she brought it up. She had heard the rule jokingly referred too, as a rule that went with dating colleagues. His eyes had darkened, and he had told her there was no rule and too never bring that up again.

She got the feeling it had been her thing.

March 11, 2006

She can no longer lie to herself, telling herself that he doesn't still love her, that it is she who he loves. After all, he never dated the other woman, he never kissed her. Her never made love too the woman.

All those things he has done with her.

Of course, perhaps had the other one lived long enough, he might have.

She wonders if his lack of actions towards the one that came before her was due to the fact that his feeling ran deeper then anyone could have imagined. She notices that he has never been one to shy away from a woman or a challenge, but then again, she has only seen this applied towards random women, women who haven't captured his heart. She wishes that she could believe she is different, and, she things, in a way, she is.

He likes her, and he finds her attractive, she has no doubt if that. But does he feel anything but lust for her? Does he respect her?

She knows it takes a lot too earn Tony DiNozzo's trust and respect, and at one point in time she thought that she had it. But as the time passes, she grows less certain of that.

April 16, 2006

Today she handed in her resignation. She has decided to leave NCIS, for nothing remains here that she could possibly cherish.

He called out in his sleep two nights ago, his voice strangled and full of anguish. But it was a call of love, a tone she had never heard before.

And the name was not hers. He called for Kate, the woman that came before her, the woman that had stolen his heart, leaving nothing there for her to capture. And they both know that this relationship is a lost cause. For he is still in love with another woman, and although she is gone, her presence lives on.

She knows that they will not miss her, for she saw their faces as she walked away, her box of things in hand and her head held high. He looked her in the eyes, and she knew that he knew why she had to go.

She can't pretend that it doesn't hurt. But she should have known when she came so many months ago that she would never fill the shoes that the other woman had left behind. She could never compete with someone who had captured so many hearts. A woman who had done the impossible and gotten Tony DiNozzo to fall in love, who had wielded so much control over Gibbs, more than she would ever know. She should have known the hostile stares would never truly reside, but they would remain etched in place until she finally packed up and left.

She hopes that the next person will have an easier time, though she doubts it. They are like a family, this team. And they want no new member. All they want is too have their original order back, with their original members.

No one will ever be good enough for them, for him. And she can no longer pretend.

She is not Kate Todd, and she can't be. And for that reason, she can no longer stay.

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**A/N: I hope you liked! I kind of did. It was a nice break from my evil AP exam review (oh kill me now. Seriously…please) I guarantee reviews will help me survive this tough time (well, those and copious amounts of chocolate). So, review!**

**Emily**


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